How It All Started
- leenymeeny
- Oct 1, 2019
- 4 min read
Updated: Nov 22, 2019
It’s finally October. It's the month I've been waiting for for such a long time! Why? Because I know that on this month, something big, wonderful and mind blowing is going to happen to my life. How am I able to say that? Yes, only through faith. I cannot see it, but I know it's coming.
A few years back, I was a totally different person. If I were to describe myself, I was a very spoiled daughter, a pretty difficult girlfriend to deal with, an annoying sister (in-law too!), and probably a boring friend (okay, maybe not so much!). I guess if the people around me had a choice back then, they wouldn’t have really wanted to hang out with me. It was because I used to always want things to go my way, quick and fast! If not, I’d take on a whole new persona: a moody, tactless, and ‘you-deserve-the-silent-treatment’ type. It wasn't easy, and I felt miserable. I didn’t know then how to pull myself together and I couldn't understand why I was the way I was. I even questioned God.
Until a turning point came. Something totally unexpected happened and my world took a 180-degree turn. It was a foreign feeling, something extremely depressing and I was almost suicidal. It already happened to me a few more years back but this time was different. Yup, it was that same story. I got heartbroken. It was an almost 8-year relationship that came to a fateful end, and I didn’t see it coming, not at all.
Then one day, while I was driving home, I was crying. It was hard, very painful, and I just wanted it to end. Probably the devil then was all smiles because I was so weak and very vulnerable. If anyone had told me to jump off on a cliff or a building, I probably would have done it, no questions asked! Then out of nowhere, a devastating thought came. While still driving and in between tears, I said aloud, “Lord, I don’t want to do this anymore! I just want to die!” And right there and then, I wanted to crash my car, just to make it all come to an end. But to my utter surprise, guess where I eventually ended up? A church. It wasn't part of the plan.
When I went inside, the mass was just about to start. There weren’t a lot of people, which I totally expected since it was already around 7:45 PM. And then I cried again, this time there were more tears and my heart was about to explode. Then suddenly, I felt home. I knew then that I was in total surrender to God.
And that’s how it all started. My faith started to flourish and I began to read the Bible. And guess what, I was able to finish it in 365 days! Everyday for a year, I would sit at the edge of my bed, drink my warm water, and read it. It was surprisingly fun to read! Before, it was something absolutely boring to me, but after reading it, I was able to relate to most of the stories and was amazed that the things I was experiencing weren't really something that can only happen in my generation, because they also happened in the past! I felt at peace. It felt nice to be loved, not by someone else, but by God.
I then started to explore attending prayer gatherings such as The Feast. I felt appreciated and loved; there was a sense of belongingness.
I knew God has allowed this big storm to happen to me because He was calling me, He wanted to divert my attention to Him. And I was happy I obliged.
Then eventually, things became easy and not forced. That's when I started to discover a lot of things. On that same year, I enrolled myself in a culinary school (you may refer to this post for that story), travelled to Australia on my own, and spent a lot more time with my family, which I didn't get to do before.
Here are some of my photos at Melbourne, Australia:
It was a complete eye-opener for me. It literally opened a lot of opportunities and self-discoveries. I found my purpose and I am proud that I am able to use my scars to help other people.
Do I regret taking that difficult road? Of course, my answer is NO. I may have become a mess but I cultivated patience, endurance, strength, grit, name it all. And I can openly say now, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." And I hope you, too.
What was my purpose in writing this story? Nope, not just to openly share about my life and mishaps, but because I wanted to become an instrument of God, to tell you that whenever you encounter storms in life, never ever give up. You can cry as much as you want, because crying is one of the best medicines in healing. BUT, there's an expiration to that medicine. As soon as it becomes destructive, you have to stop. Start to surround yourself with a lot of people who will help and support you. And course, do not forget to pray and trust Him.
Hey, smile! God's got you, always.
Cheers!
Leeny
Commentaires